Courage.

It takes a lot of courage for me to be vulnerable, to show others how I really feel. I am not always happy, I'm not always sad. Sometimes, I feel both at the same time. Lately, I have just been telling myself that I am being dramatic, which is just another way of invalidating how I really feel. But this has been going on for a while, and I am tired of pretending, so here goes nothing:

Material things will never fill you, I have learned this since my last post. Things are nice to have, but at the end of the day, they don't really matter. It's all about the moments in life; the good ones and the bad ones.

This has been the theme of this Sunday: Opposition in all things. I understand. I know that every moment of weakness, every moment of hurt, ever single tear, has to be felt so that I can understand what true joy is. I have felt it, it's wonderful.

But I also feel it's opposite, and those moments are the toughest.

I hear the Lord's promise that things will get better. I know this is a growing moment. I know that it is temporary and what seems like a long time is a second in the eternities.

I asked my Dad to give me a blessing and I was blessed with many promises: to have peace in my heart and mind, to study the scriptures for answers, to allow myself to be guided from the spirit, to have a productive week despite my struggles.

I trust in my Savior. I am grateful for his love and sacrifice. I know that I am never alone, I am thankful for His guidance.

And I know the journey is long. I know I have a long way to go. Healing takes time, it is a process, but it is also empowering to know that you have recovered.

I am not there yet, but I am working on it.

<3
Eli