Confession #17: Hard Work DOES Pay Off

For a long time now (or at least for the last 4 months) I have really felt like a failure in life. It's sad yet so true. I didn't know why the heck I was working so hard and not gaining anything out of it. I felt like every move I made would only result in failure and more shattered dreams. So, after completing all of my 21 hours of testing for the IB diploma in May, I was 100% positive that I would result in failure again. This past summer I have been trying to convince myself that I didn't need the IB diploma to prove all that I had learned-I mean, all it is is a piece of paper, right?Lets just say that I finished the summer with no motivation for trying hard any more. I felt like, what is the point of learning so much, trying so hard, just to fail? Why not take life slowly (like a NORMAL person), relax, and accept the fact that no matter how hard I try nothing will turn out like I wanted it. So, if you can't tell by now, I was in a state of depression. Nothing could motivate me out of bed. I had no desire to read, no desire to try.and then it happened. I logged into facebook at 9:43 am. And there on my home was Dani's smiling face with an "I got the Diploma" for a status. Great, i thought. The results are out (even though I KNEW they were coming out today, I was hoping they wouldn't tell us for another couple of days.) And so, I was heartbroken. I thought "well, I knew Dani was going to get it ( i mean, lets face it, when has Dani ever failed at life???) and now Bobbie will probably have it (because Bobbie is a frickin' genius) so, I'm probably the only idiot of the group who didn't get it. Great. How embarrassing." And so, i log out of facebook and log in to my email. And there it was. An email from Valerie (the IB secretary) with a title of IB results. My hands were shaking. My heart was POUNDING. I wasn't ready to know what a failure I was. I clicked on the email and it read...

Dear Elizabeth,

Here are your IB results. Congratulations, you did it!! Hope you are having a great summer. If you have questions, email me. I will be back at the school in August.

and I'm like," Congratulations? I must have at least gotten some certificates then. well, that's good, i guess"
and so i scroll down, see my scores, I obviously dont do the math on my point total. i scroll down a little bit more and see the fated words:

Result:	Diploma awarded

Well, here's what happened. I stared at the screen for I don't know how long. and then I counted the points of my test scores to double check and make sure that Valerie hadn't made a mistake. And then I counted again to make sure I hadn't made a mistake. But indeed, I GOT THE INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE DIPLOMA!
Today, a miracle happened. With just 2 words, I suddenly realized that I have been acting stupid for a very long time. I mean, hello, I worked my a$$ (pardon my french) for the diploma. Sleepless nights, countless headaches, days and HOURS of Mr. Simmons (my math teacher) TRYING to teach us math but being horrible at it. Study sessions. Study sessions. and MORE study sessions. Like duh. Of COURSE I was going to get the diploma, how the heck could I doubt myself?
Lesson Learned: Be confident in what you do, try your best and things will turn out.

SIBS 4 EVA

Until next time, chickadees!
Elli

PS. I have to thank 3 very important people that went through the process with me. Dani, Bobbie, and Cati. Thank you guys so much for everything! I LOVE YOU GUYS! I know i wouldn't have been able to do it without you guys.
PPS. I guess I proved myself wrong...about myself ;)