absurd fears and such.

Sometimes right before I go to bed, a little after reading my scriptures, I start playing this terrible movie of what my life could turn into.  This miserable life spans before me in my imagination and I suddenly become terrified of living.  Not to be morbid or anything, but when you start playing these horrible scenarios in your head and you completely convince yourself (in that moment of course) that that is your future, life suddenly doesn't seem so thrilling, or even worth living (no, I'm not suicidal, you can take a chill pill). 

But there is something quite funny about putting things out there in cyber space that helps me deal with my emotional oddities/quirks.  So for the sake of coping with uncontrollable fears,  I introduce you to my top 10 fears (feel free to laugh.  Some are quite absurd.):


1. NEVER getting married, becoming an old spinster, with like 50 cats and having a mediocre career that barely pays the bills. 
2. Going blind.  Seriously.  I don't know that I would do well without sight.  That would mean like, never EVER reading a book again, never EVER seeing snowy mountains, or smiles, or my nephews' faces.  It's frustrating enough needing glasses. 
3. Becoming severely, clinically depressed. 
4. Being all alone, even when I'm surrounded by people.  Specifically, being unable to connect with those around me.
5. FLYING COCKROACHES. (Please NY, if you can spare me the nasty flying cockroaches, I will be the best missionary you have EVER seen.)
6. Failing to live the gospel. Failing to represent the Lord.  Failing in being worthy of exaltation. Basically, massive spiritual failure.
7. Giving up on my dreams and failing to see my potential.
8. Never emotionally maturing (seriously, I am making a conscious effort to STOP this crying nonsense.  What happened to tough Elizabeth, who couldn't shed a tear in high school if you paid her???)
9. Never being able to laugh at my mistakes.
10. Becoming this angry, heartless, relentless, terribly self-centered, overly controlling, maniacal, ungrateful return sister missionary. (YES.  I'm putting this out there because so many people have trash talked return sister missionaries for so long that it HAS gotten to my head.  Because even though I am 99% sure this is false...there is still that 1% that betrays me every time I try to stay positive.)