Coming Into My Own: Part One

When I was in high school, I was the loneliest and unhappiest I have ever been in my life.  Fueled by massive insecurities, body dysmorphia and the stress of being an over achiever, I was incredibly shy and my self esteem was so low I didn't allow myself to make many friends.  This mostly began my sophomore year of school when my best friend moved to another school and changing personalities caused me to drift from my other group of friends.

It didn't help that there wasn't anyone my age at church, or that I lived 30 miles away from my high school, or that I had a ridiculous fear of the male gender.

There were times where I would sit by myself in the library eating my lunch, reading a book or doing homework.  Sometimes, I would sit with a group of people that I could (barely) stand in lunch because they had for some reason accepted me into their inner circle (they were dorks, and immature and very annoying.) 

And can I just say that all these struggles were written all over my body?  I never did my hair.  Sometimes I would go to school in sweats.  I started gaining weight.  Basically, I was a big bag of gross.

By my senior year though, I had made a group of friends, which included a cheerleader, a nerd, and a language learning lover  (is that even a thing?). We became connected through the IB program, and our tiny classes forced us to create this inseparable makeshift group. I went to prom.  I had sleep overs.  I crammed everything I should have done in my four years of high school into that one year.

I had never laughed so much, or pranked so much, or made fun so much or did anything great EVER as much as I had then.

I love these friends.  They got me through the horrible high school experience.  Yes, I was codependent.   No, I didn't go to Yale like I had dreamed. 

But I got through.

Things got better.

And even though we have moved on since high school, though those friends will always have been my saving grace.

Because even though I was still shy and introverted when I graduated, I had become a little more assertive, a little more opinionated, a little more social.